How to get your ex-boyfriend back is a painful question to have to ask. You were with the perfect guy, and now he has gone. It is always going to be a challenge getting back together with the man of your dreams. It requires patience, and it requires a cool head. Sitting on his doorstep crying just isn’t going to work unfortunately.

Here are a few things that you should consider:

Do you really want him back? Make sure that you aren’t just remembering the fond times and forgetting the bad times. Often we might remember a relationship as being filled with love and happiness, but in reality, all you did was fight with each other. Be certain that what you had is want you want to have again.

Work out why you broke up. Was there a particular issue that caused the break up? Was everything great, except you always argued about him going out with his friends on Saturdays? Was the relationship good, except that one of you had to move away for work? If you can isolate the reason the relationship ended, then fixing that issue might help rebuild what you once had.

Attract him again. He was attracted to you once before, and so he might be again. Whatever you did to get his attention first time around is what you should do the second time. Were you always fun and light hearted? Be that way again. Did he like the way you used to dress? Dress that way again. What ever helped you two become a couple the first time, is a good place to start this time around.

Don’t rush things. Break ups are hard, and undoing a break up is harder still. Don’t rush things by trying to get back together straight away. It can be a slow process rebuilding a relationship with an ex-boyfriend, and you have to be prepared to take your time with it.

Rebuild communication. Communication is the most important part of any relationship, and when you are trying to get a relationship going again with your ex, then communication is the best thing to focus on. Start with something simple, relaxed, and non-committal. An email just saying, “Hey there, just thought I’d say hi. Hope things are going well with you” might be the right way to initiate conversation again.

Show controlled regret. Once you are communicating, you can mention that it is a shame things didn’t work out between the two of you. See what his response is. If it’s something like “Yeah, we seemed so perfect for each other”, then you can try and talk more on the subject. If he says “Oh well, these things happen”, then he probably isn’t ready to discuss it just yet. Be patient. Time heals all wounds.

Try for casual meetings. After your communications have been re-established, try and find some simple way for the two of you to “catch up”. Maybe mention that you are going to see a movie on Friday with some friends, and ask if he would like to come check it out too? Perhaps a mutual friend is playing in a sporting final, and he might like to come along to support them? Any situation that isn’t “romantic” is what you are looking for. It’s too soon for romance, but getting together again as “friends” is an excellent step.

Only once you have followed the steps above can you start working on rebuilding an actual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Don’t rush it. Remember: if it was meant to be, then it will be. You just have to be patient, and keep working at it.