Knowing how to save a relationship is never easy. Perhaps your relationship begun with high hopes, filled with love and positive communication, but now those feelings seem to have faded for the two of you. You need to constantly re-examine what you want in a relationship. If you discover that this relationship isn’t what you are looking for, then you might be better of ending it and breaking up.

If you are not sure where the relationship stands at the moment, then you should read Troubled Relationships first, just to help get your bearings.

If you decide that you are in a troubled or unhealthy relationship, but you definitely want to try to fix it, then that’s great. Here are some steps that you can take, and some things that you should consider.

 

1. Does your partner want to save the relationship too?

It takes two people to save a relationship. One person is just not enough. Before you start trying to make changes, you need to know if you are going to be able to work together. If you want to continue, but your boyfriend or girlfriend has gotten to the stage where they just don’t want to stay in the relationship, then it’s probably better to call it quits. A relationship can not endure when only one person wants in to.

 

2. Find the reasons why the relationship is in trouble.

This takes open and honest communication. Try and see the situation from each others point of view. When you talk it over, try and do it in a positive way. Don’t place blame on one another, because that will usually cause an argument, which shouldn’t be your goal. You can even write down what you each feel are the strong points of the relationship, and which areas seem to be causing the problems. Be willing to understand your partner’s opinions, even if they don’t mesh completely with your own.

 

3. Be willing to listen.

You can’t save a relationship by sitting you partner down and saying “here are the 50 things that are wrong with you”. You need to be willing to hear what they are feeling and thinking too. You might find out that that the problems your husband sees are things that you didn’t consider problems at all, or you might discover that your wife is having the exact same issues as you. Listening to your loved one is a vital part of saving a relationship.

 

4. Take responsibility and say, “I’m sorry”.

Take responsibility for your actions. If you know that you have been unfair to your partner in some way that has put strain on the relationship, apologise for that. Obviously you shouldn’t say, “Well I guess it’s all my fault” or anything like that. Just be willing to recognise situations when you have each acted in a way that you regretted, and be willing to work at avoiding those situations in the future.

 

5. Try and keep negative emotions in check.

It can be hard at times having a loved one tell you what has been upsetting them. You might be tempted to point out how they are the ones at fault, or how they shouldn’t have taken it personally in the first place. You might even find yourself getting angry that your partner would think such mean thoughts about you. If you start to feel like your emotions are getting the better of you, take a deep breath, or have a break for a while, and try again later. It’s hard to accomplish anything when your emotions are controlling you, rather than the other way around.

 

6. Decide what action to take, and stick to it.

Once you have both isolated the things that are causing the most turmoil, decide on a way to fix those situations. Write down what steps each of you intend to take to get the relationship back on track. If “never spending time together” was a problem, work out a way to be with each other more often to resolve that. If you “Don’t talk anymore”, decide upon some action that will help communication flourish, maybe talking together for 15 minutes every night with the TV off would help fix that. Whatever you decide, make sure you stick to it, otherwise it just won’t work.

 

It is rarely a simple matter to fix a relationship, but if you are both determined to save what you have built, and you are both willing to make the effort, then you have a good chance to make the relationship survive, and even develop into a strong and happy relationship.