Little Johnny asked his dad, “Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”

His dad replied, “That happens in all countries son.”

 

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style.

“If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.”

“Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener.”

 

Q: Why do men like love at first sight?

A: It saves them a lot of time!

 

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

 

At a wedding, Little Johnny looks at his mother and asks, “Mommy, why does the bride wear white?”

His mother replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy thinks about this, and then asks, “Well then why is the groom wearing black…”

 

A newlywed wife had some news for her husband, “I have great news for you darling! Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and joy in his eyes.

He was glowing with happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother is moving in with us.”

 

“Darling,” said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!”

“I know all that darling.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

 

“Because the poor fool is considering getting married.”

 

Love is grand… Divorce is 80 grand.

 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

“My boyfriend and I just split up. I found out that astrologically we’re not compatible. I’m a Gemini and he’s a jerk.”

 

A mother asked her daughter, “What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?”

“Of course he is, Mom. He considerate, doesn’t drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children.”

 

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asks: “What’s that for?”

“It’s for your headache.”

“I don’t have a headache.”

He replies, “Gotcha!”

  

Two men are playing golf one day.

One of the guys is about to take his shot when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “That is so thoughtful and touching. You are truly a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years after all.”

If you enjoyed these Love Jokes, check out our Funny Pick Up Lines!